Full marks?

I learnt today that the interviews for my replacement begins tomorrow and I'm to play an integral part in the process. I'll be spending the entire day observing the candidates teach a classes of 9 year olds. Quite honestly, it is an honour and a privelege to be asked. My imminent departure was accepted with such support and understanding by the Head but I wouldn't have been surprised to have been entirely sidelined on this one.

I can tell you that being observed whilst teaching is akin to retaking your driving test after motoring for 20 years. Well, can you recite the Highway Code inside out and back to front wearing a blindfold whilst standing on your head? Neither can I. But, teachers are expected to be perfect...every time. In these situations, there's an unwritten expectation that you are to perform thus:

• Stride into the classroom with authority and confidence. You lose marks if you give the slightest indication that you may be nervous.
• Ignore the fact that the pupils before you are complete strangers but NEVER forget their names.
• Provide paper evidence (lesson plans) to your observer showing how you will ensure that every single child has progressed, despite the fact that they may well not accessed the previous stages of learning required for true understanding to have taken place.
• Identify those who could recite Tolstoy and those that can't quite spell it. Provide for their needs accordingly.
• Throw most of your knowledge about child development and how learning works out of the window.
• Speed through your lesson and prove that, after 40 minutes, they'll all have grasped the concept...ready to move on to the next stage of learning.
• Replicate outstanding practice as indicated in the professional textbooks and manuals as long as you ignore those that wish to go to the toilet, have an instrumental lesson to attend, hardly slept the night before, didn't eat breakfast, have worries or arrive late.
• Smile, praise, smile and praise some more.

Actually, not much different to classroom reality in most schools ..... this guy or gal better be good. Non-negotiable!